It may never even occur to many men and people with penises to try strap-on sex. If one’s parts are functioning as expected, they might not see any reason to experiment with such a thing.
Society in general has deeply-rooted ideas about masculinity and penises that lead men to regard such playthings as unnatural or emasculating. These products have been positioned as toys for women for so long that it can take a leap of faith to embrace the idea that strap-ons are for everyone.
“To opt out of using one’s own bio penis and opt into using a human-made cock requires acknowledging that our gender exists beyond our genitals, and that sexual functioning and worthiness is not rooted in penis ability,” Tuck Malloy, holistic sex educator and founder of IntraSensual Education, explains. “This is an extremely scary thing for many cis men in particular to acknowledge.”
Malloy mentions that gender dysphoria may be another deterrent. Gender dysphoria is the experience of feeling at odds with one’s body because of an internal experience of gender that is different from what society has projected onto one’s physical form. So, if a non-binary, transfeminine, or any individual under the trans umbrella experiences dysphoria when engaging with their biopenis or something phallic, it could make them uncomfortable.
Another reason could be that somebody simply doesn’t enjoy wearing one, and all of these reasons are valid. But should you open your mind to the possibility, your sex life could be improved in ways you may not have considered or ever thought possible. Let’s address some of those now.
I have a penis. Why would I wear a strap-on?
This is a completely understandable question. You have a penis, so why bother with a strap-on? Well, the answer first requires the wearer to humble themselves and visualize sexual possibility beyond what’s between their legs. When one can sort out their internalized biases and acknowledge gender beyond their genitals, it can open a world of sexual opportunities.
To start, a strap-on dildo lets us choose a cock of any shape, size, colour and/or texture, offering a delicious, custom-made experience for you and your partner. Want a 10-inch cock that penetrates the second hole in your anus? How about a small and mighty vibrating schlong that expertly buzzes against the clitoris? Better yet, what about both? A strap-on could also be useful if the penis-owner can’t last as long as you or your partner want to. With a dildo, you can go all day and night.
A strap-on experience is limited only by your imagination. If you do some digging, you can find all sorts of magical cocks to strap to your body for sexy roleplay, from dragon dicks and tentacles to unicorn horns and werewolf feet. Strap-on sex can assist in other kinky pursuits as well, such as humilitation/degradation, cock and ball torture, consensual non-consent and much more.
Considering more than half of men experience some form of erectile dysfunction (a stat that increases five to 15 percent between the ages 40 and 70), a strap-on can help compensate for this loss of function and alleviate related anxieties. A strap-on can be similarly helpful for people with limited mobility or paralysis, since strap-ons can be utilized with flaccid penises, and strapped onto bodies, wheelchairs, beds, walkers, pillows, and other sex tools that support penetration.
“Strap-ons in general can be an excellent erotic tool for some folks with disabilities,” Searah Deysach, owner of gender-affirming essentials Early 2 Bed, says. “While most users find that hip harnesses work great, if someone has mobility issues they may find that a thigh harness gives them the option of penetrating their partner.”
Another reason one may want to use a strap-on is to facilitate double penetration, since a harness can be positioned above or below a biopenis to penetrate the same hole or another while leaving our hands free to touch and rub other erogenous zones.
Lastly, in the same way using a strap-on can cause gender dysphoria, it can also deliver the opposite response and feel euphoric. Selecting and penetrating with a gender affirming cock can be an extremely rewarding experience for non-binary, trans, and even cisgender folks.
What type of harness would someone with a penis use?
When choosing a harness for a body with a penis, it’s going to require some special considerations to make sure it’s comfortable, meaning it fits over the penis or sits comfortably above the penis. Underwear harnesses can be a comfortable option for people with penises as well.
“Just make sure that the dildo you choose fits in the harness before making your purchase,” Deysach says. “Flat-based dildos are the most versatile, but many harnesses can fit a balled-dildo as well.”
What can someone with a penis expect when using a strap-on?
Before you consider using a strap-on with a partner, you should first get used to wearing one. This can be as easy as strapping one on and strutting around the house, or doing some chores and wiggling your hips. Have some fun with it.
Even after you’ve wiggled your dildo when washing your dishes, remember to have a sense of humour in case a mishap or some awkwardness occurs during intercourse. “Your dildo might slip out and you won’t realise it,” Deysach warns. “You may also find that silicone dicks need more lube than human ones, so be liberal with your application.”
“Sometimes it takes a while to find the right position of a biopenis, but many folks enjoy the sensation of rubbing up against something or having their dick and balls slightly compressed,” Malloy adds.
Should you give strap-ons a chance, head into the venture with the right, can-do attitude. Just because something new doesn’t feel natural or particularly mind-blowing right away, it doesn’t mean it can’t feel incredible in the future. Explore your curiosities, be enthusiastic and patient, learn your desires and have fun. We’re talking about strap-ons, it’s not that serious.