Is a more exploratory sex life the key to a lifetime of passion? After reading Jessica Howe’s Kinky Sex – The Secret To Long-Term Desire, we’re inclined to believe it is. For your reading pleasure, Jessica has kindly allowed us to reproduce a section from this excellent book below. It’s an introduction to some lighter elements of kink that you might be interested to try on your path to long-term desire.
To give your partner the ultimate sensory experience, enhance their tactile senses by taking their other senses away step by step.
Talk to your lover, using their trigger words as you tie them up. Tying your partner makes them completely vulnerable to your touch and enables you to control exactly what they feel.
Blindfold them – an airplane mask works well for this. Go slowly, giving you both time to savour the anticipation of what’s to come. Whisper into their ear, tell them how sexy they look all tied up and vulnerable, or that you can’t wait for them to discover what you have in store for them.
Check in with them at this point, perhaps with a whispered, ‘How’re you doing?’ If it’s their first time, stop here and move on to giving them sensations. If you’ve done this a few times, you could push your lover’s boundaries a little by blocking out their hearing. You can do this with ear plugs (the soft wax type works best) but these can be fiddly. Noise reduction ear muff s aren’t glamorous but they’re much more effective! Being unable to hear takes you into another zone where you feel like you’re floating, and combined with lack of sight it makes you feel everything much more intensely.
Experiment with different sensations, paying close attention to how your lover moves, breathes and reacts so you can heighten their pleasure with every touch. Even just trailing your fingertips over their body can be extremely erotic. Savour the way their body reacts and play with the sense of surprise: your partner has no idea where you’ll touch them next.
TOP MILD SENSATIONS TO TRY
Even the gentlest sensations feel incredibly erotic when your other senses are blocked out. Either use these as a warm-up to more intense play or as an end in themselves – either way, they feel great!
- Feather dusters make great toys and can be used almost anywhere. Try one on your lover’s eyelids, nipples, inner thighs, the undersides of their arms, the soles of their feet and their elbow creases.
- If they can hear you, heighten the anticipation by describing in detail what you’ll be doing later to each bit of their body as you brush a feather lightly over that part.
- Gently nibble, lick or blow on different areas, closely watching your partner’s reactions to see which places they like best.
- Slide your hand up the nape of your lover’s neck, grab a fistful of hair and gently grip.
- Drag a cold metal spoon slowly over your lover’s skin, up the inside of their thighs or across their perineum. Intensify the feeling by putting the spoon in the freezer for half an hour before you play. (This is a good test to see if your partner is up for more adventurous temperature play!)
- Run your nails lightly over your lover’s ticklish bits. Check beforehand with this one though – some people like being tickled whilst others hate it.
- Ladies: try wearing different types of gloves. Stroking his cock softly or hard while you wear satin gloves can feel wonderful, and some men love the feel of latex or leather gloves.
- Trail silk across your lover’s skin. It can feel incredible across his testicles or over her pussy lips.
- Use a vibrator on various parts of the body (this works for both men and women).
- For a unique sensation, use a pen to write or draw over your lover’s body. Waiting till after the scene to discover what’s written draws out the sense of anticipation for your lover.