Enhance your foreplay routine with a deeply spiritual and highly erotic form of massage. That is, a tantric massage.
This sensual act is a meaningful way to connect with your partner, and to share and vibe off of each other’s sexual energies.
And by engaging in this practice, you’ll not only heighten your state of arousal with the art of touch, but also shake up your regular routine from the fairly common acts of kissing, a touch of oral sex, then thrusting actions of lust until one or both climax. Sure, it’s fun, but trying something new always has a sense of magic about it.
What is Tantric Massage?
Tantric massage has ancient roots but is enjoyed with a more contemporary twist. Like a mashup between an erotic massage and a session of mindfulness. Instead of merely giving your partner an erotic massage, there are a few key elements that are involved.
Tantric massage requires both partners to really be in the present moment in a calm, loving, and accepting way. It’s the act of tapping into all of the seven chakras, and sharing energy in a fashion that is both comfortable and satisfying for everyone involved.
And when this takes place, the misconception that penetrative sex is the ultimate goal of any tryst slowly dissipates, and individuals can become more aware of the fact that the point of intimacy is actually pleasure. In fact, some tantric massages don’t involve touching of the genitals at all.
One of the most important things to remember is that this practice requires no judgment in order to really succeed. And when breath work is incorporated, the experience can be even more powerful.
According to Camilla Constance, a sex and intimacy coach:
“A tantric massage is a full-body massage that arouses sexual energy in the receiver and then consciously moves that energy around the body. It’s a beautiful way to experience the tantric approach to sex, where it is not about the goal or outcome, but about every moment of sensation and pleasure on the way.”
With that, sexual energy is built up and moved around the body, and can pave the way for stronger full-body orgasms. But there are a few more benefits to tantric massage…
Tantric massage can:
- Improve sexual stamina
- Heal emotional blockages
- Help us to incorporate mindfulness and spirituality in other areas of our lives
- Encourage the healing of past trauma
How to Practice Tantric Massage in 6 Steps
In six steps, we’re going to teach you how to prepare for, and practice, tantric massage. This is a rough guideline, however, as each individual and every experience is different.
The art of tantric massage is unique and you can adapt it in whichever way feels most comfortable and pleasure-inducing.
How to Prepare for a Tantric Massage
1. Ambience
Just like any other massage or relaxing activity, you’ll have to set the scene. There are no rules to your comfort, so it could include things like taking a bath beforehand, lighting a few candles, using essential oils, or playing music. Create a space that’s warm, nurturing, and that really heightens the senses.
According to Nadia Deen, a sexual wellness educator:
“Your surroundings are just as important as the massage itself, so spend some time planning your environment. Consider the temperature, look, sound, and the feel of the room.”
2. Massage Oils
Using oils during your tantric massage is key, as it’s a way to increase sensuality and to create a smooth, elegant glide. And depending on your taste, your massage oil can have a scent that really induces relaxation and comfort. You could choose your favourite scented massage oil, a non-scented one, or even olive oil.
3. Patience and Mindfulness
To really immerse yourself in the tantric massage process, it’s important to take your time and do not rush. When we’re under pressure when it comes to time, it can cause feelings of anxiety and worry. Adversely, try to be fully present in the moment. Turn off your phone, make sure you have enough time for the massage, and engage in this practice when you know there won’t be any interruptions.
4. Feelings
A tantric massage requires both parties to be in the right mindset. Mentally, physically, spiritually. This is not only for the full enjoyment and benefits, but also to make sure that the transfer of energy between two people is light, positive, and calm. Take note of your breath during the massage, and try to clear your mind of any intrusive thoughts or worries.
Getting Started: How to Give Someone a Tantric Massage
1. The Back
To begin a tantric massage, it’s advised to start on the back of the body. The one giving the massage can spend around 20 to 30 minutes caressing and gently massaging using a generous amount of oils.
In fact, this experience is just as important for the giver. They too can engage in mindfulness by being 100 percent present while feeling how their hands and fingertips feel on the body.
Notice how the body reacts to different sensations and pressures, and allow intuition to guide the energy while reading the receiver’s body language.
2. The Front
After you’ve massaged the back, have the person you’re massaging turn over to their front.
And while it’s recommended to spend around 20 or 30 minutes on their back, it’s more so important that the receiver is fully relaxed by the time they turn over. It’s then that you’re going to gently tease the intimate areas. These areas have terms that are:
- The penis: the lingam
- The vulva and vagina: the yoni
Start by brushing over them slightly, then putting focus on the legs, feet, hands, fingers, arms, breasts and belly. Do this for about 20 minutes by putting all of your loving and healing energy into it.
3. Vagina/Penis: Lingam/Yoni
When it’s time to put more focus and energy into the intimate areas, be free of expectations. There is no end goal in mind (aka orgasm), and every person will experience this kind of stimulation and massage in a different way.
More importantly, this experience is simply about allowing the receiver to tap into their sensual side in a new and creative way in their own time and comfort level.
Allow the receiver to feel a build-up of energy yet keep it under control. This, of course, takes practice, as this kind of massage really is an art.
A Lingam Massage
Slowly make your way to the testicles and massage them very gently. Then move to the perineum, if that’s what the receiver enjoys.
This sensitive area is a wonderful pleasure spot that you can massage by putting a bit of pressure about an inch away from the anus until the receiver feels a little jolt of excitement. Then, stroke and stimulate simultaneously for added bliss.
Again, listen to the receiver’s body to find out what they’re enjoying. Then you can move to the base of the shaft and stroke it gently. Move your way towards the head, slowly and intentionally.
Another added step you can include is a prostate massage, which can be done by inserting one finger into the anus, creating a hook-like gesture so that it’s pointing to the front of the body. Massage slowly, sensually, and gently with care, which could lead to an intense prostate orgasm.
It’s at this point that you can either practice edging (aka moving away from the pleasure-inducing zone and focusing on another area), or you could continue until a climax is reached. It’s all up to the receiver and what they’d prefer.
Additionally, if the receiver orgasms early on in the massage, this doesn’t have to mean the massage is over. After all, this practice is not about achieving an orgasm, it’s about the sensual experience and the exchanging of energy.
A Yoni Massage
Just like the lingam massage, it’s imperative that the receiver prepares their body and mind. They should breathe in and out intentionally, and create a space that makes them feel comfortable and relaxed.
You can aid in this comfort by placing a pillow under the back and under the head. Then, when ready, the receiver will bend the knees with their feet flat on the floor, and open their legs to a position that is relaxing.
For the yoni massage, start with the front of the body. The belly and abdomen can be massaged slowly and gently to begin with. This will increase levels of relaxation and will get the blood flowing.
When ready, start to massage the breasts and areola. Avoid the nipples at first, as this is a highly sensitive erogenous zone, but when ready, tug or pinch them sensually.
After this, you’ll move towards the vagina, starting with the legs and inner thighs. Create a pleasant experience by exchanging powerful energies, and allowing the receiver to feel fully relaxed before trying techniques on their vagina.
Some techniques can include:
- Cupping: when the hand cups over the vagina and slowly moves in circular motions. When it feels right, the hand can be flattened over the entrance of the vagina, and the hand massages the entire area.
- Circling: Using the tip of your finger, circle around the clitoris in clockwise and anticlockwise directions. Change the pressure, pattern, and speed according to the receiver’s wishes.
- Push and Pull: By pushing down on the clitoris, you can use small pulsating movements at first, then sliding one finger down the length of the vagina on one side while keeping pressure on the clitoris. Continue to do this on the other side.
- Tugging: Use your thumb and index finger to gently hold the clitoris, then pull it lightly and release. You can do the same with the vaginal lips, and alternate for even more gentle stimulation.
- Rolling: Again, use your thumb and index finger to grasp the clitoris, and run your fingers between the clitoris, as if you were trying to make a snapping gesture.
Another technique to try would be to stimulate the G-spot. This may take some practice at first, but it’s well worth it due to the intense pleasure that the G-spot can bring.
Massage the G-spot by creating a hook-like gesture with one or two fingers, and inserting them into the vagina. You may want to use a lubricant for this, depending on the receiver. Once you’ve entered the vagina, you’re going to look for a spongy tissue that’s behind the clitoris… this is the G-spot spot.
Then use the “come hither” motion to stimulate the area. Remember: an orgasm is not the end goal here, so use careful strokes, and different speeds and techniques to create a sense of sexual relaxation. However, if orgasm is reached, that’s perfectly fine (and wonderful!).
And just like the lingam massage, if climax is achieved early on, you can continue to massage various parts of the body, depending on the sensitivity and wishes of the receiver. Perhaps their erogenous zones are too sensitive after climax, so listen to their requests and body language to continue the massage or not.
Alternatively, you could practice edging during the yoni massage in the same fashion as the lingam edging technique mentioned above.
When is a Tantric Massage Over?
For many, the goal of any sexual or sensual encounter is orgasm. However, during a tantric massage, try to move away from that goal.
The aim of this massage is to bring about a sexual awareness, and a sense of spirituality while working on breathwork, meditation, and mindfulness.
In fact, when this kind of massage ends once climax has been achieved, it defeats the purpose, as the purpose is actually used frequently as an opportunity to promote inner healing, not orgasm.
So, how do you know when a tantric massage is over? Aim for about one and a half hours, with the minimum being 30 minutes. But don’t use this as a means to time the experience. Allow the body to unfold naturally, and be in-tune with the body to gauge when the tantric massage over.
A final word? Although a tantric massage may seem like an intense form of foreplay, it’s not advised to use it before penetrative sex. As mentioned, this experience is not about climax nor penetrative sex, nor is it a precursor for these things.
Engaging in penetrative sex after a tantric massage could diminish its power, making it less effective and, quite frankly, miss the point of the massage entirely.