Coming from someone who has been working in the massage business for years, let’s first get one thing straight: any good massage therapist has one thing on top of his or her list of professional ethics, and that is to avoid any exchange of sexual energy with their clients. So, if you go to a massage and you get any sort of a sexual vibe with your MT, I strongly suggest you find a new one.
That being said, it comes as no surprise that a good MT will also know how to provide a really good sexual massage, which is especially true for those with a background in bodywork technique with a more holistic approach.
So, let’s start with some tips:
Properly warm up the space; cold and sexy don’t mix for a number of reasons; it’s unpleasant, it blocks the ability of the receiver to concentrate on the massage and it diverts blood from the important areas of the body. An excellent accessory for any type of a naked massage is an electric blanket/pad to put underneath the client/partner.
If you plan to expose sex organs to oils, make sure to use oils that are natural, skin-safe and preferably scent-free (to set the mood, place an essential oil diffuser or a scented candle nearby instead). Virgin olive, coconut, almond and cold-pressed sunflower or canola are appropriate massage oils. And if you insist on adding some essential oils in the mixture, consider an allergy test on your partner’s lower arm before the actual application, because skin blisters are rather anticlimactic.
Remember that a sex massage should feel different than getting a sport massage treatment for back injury. The pressure should be such to prepare your partner for some hot sex and not remind them of a recurring problem with an inflamed tendon. It is my personal conviction that subtle is always better than physically intense in sex. The real intensity always comes from doing it right, not doing it strong.
Also, always treat your partner’s body as a whole, start on either side of the body and make sure to cover the body head to toe before putting any focused attention on erogenous zones, and especially sex organs. Do not avoid brushing them with a light touch, but do not linger in the area.
Rhythm is your friend – it allows you to smoothly change sexual gears while switching back and forth between high charged areas and lower intensity ones. Put some non-invasive background music which is both melodic and rhythmic. It will remind you to keep your moves at a nice constant pace.
As you explore your partner’s body, make sure to observe subtle reactions to touch. Notice changes in breathing pattern and things like trembling in the abdominal area, which can be a strong indicator of arousal. A twitching movement can suggest both pleasant and unpleasant sensations, so when you notice one, communicate it with your partner. Preferably in a sexual, not clinical way. Questions like “Do you like that?” and “How does that feel?” are simple and sexy.
Speaking of which, communicate with your partner a lot, and in a way that does not require answers more complex that “yes/no” or “mmmhmmm”.
However, make sure to let them know you like what you see and feel turned on by the sight of their naked body. You can describe their visual arousal with phrases like “you’re so hard”, “you’re so wet”, or perhaps, “your nipples are so hot when they get hard like this”.
Make a roadmap of pleasure on their body; once you cover all of it, take a mental note of which areas triggered the most arousal aside the genital area. Slowly start putting more and more attention to those areas. Then, as you progress, you can massage and caress those zones and go from there to the sex organs and back.
Learn how to use your hands well – using palms for broad pressure and fingers for more focused and playful touch. But also use the rest of your body. Depending on your position over the partner, you can use lower arms, legs, feet, breasts, ass and, especially, sex organs. Of course, an erect and oiled up penis feels like a natural tool to use, but vulva, with its complex and interesting texture, will also drive your partner crazy when felt against their body.
Apart from rhythmic, you want your strokes to be circular and continuous in order to feel as natural as possible.
To give you some practical ideas for continuous movement: imagine working a woman lying on her back (you being next to and over her). You can do something like glide your whole palm over her pubic area with gentle pressure and, in the same movement, slip fingers under her following and exploring the curve of her ass. Then cover the area of the clitoris with your lower arm and grind it with constant pressure while receding the hand back. In further continuation of the movement, you may slide your palm over her pussy and gently spread the lips with your index and ring fingers to maybe slip your middle finger inside…
Or, in case a man is lying in the same position (and you are kneeling between his legs), you can do something like move your palms up his thighs, applying strong pressure, and then, as you get closer to his penis area, reduce the pressure to very mild and glide your fingers and palms over and around his balls, grabbing his penis with both hands. While increasing pressure, you can do a couple of both-hand strokes and from there just bend over him and let him slip into your mouth in a continuous flow of movement…
You get the idea… as usual, your imagination and some practice are all you need, but also keep in mind not to be selfish – giving pleasure to others pays sexual dividends.